It Is Always Possible to Love More

Today I am extra proud of my parish and particularly, my parish priest and boss, Reverend Matthew Oakland. Unafraid to preach the truth, he laid out what the Church teaches on artificial contraception and Natural Family Planning in such a clear and loving way during this weekend's homily. This is a hot topic and largely ignored by a vast number of Roman Catholics. We couldn't be more blessed to have such a young and faithful leader. We also have 6 teachers in training, who can competently teach others how to effectively practice the Billings Ovulation Method. More information on the science and specifics can be found here.

I was asked to give my personal testimony about why my husband and I use the Billings Ovulation Method, and why practicing NFP is so important to us. I thought I would share what I wrote with you here. I am hoping that others who may be on the fence about this particular Church teaching, will prayerfully consider giving it a try.

Image of the Holy Family, model of virtue and love.

Why NFP?

Since we are created in the image and likeness of God and God is love, then we are to love each other as deeply as possible – in a way that is most like the way God loves us. Natural Family Planning gives us an opportunity to love our spouse, children and ourselves in a more profound way. “It also teaches us that fertility is a blessing, a reality of life that is accepted, instead of a problem to be solved.” 

My husband, Randy, and I have been married for 18 years. Randy was not Catholic when we married (although he did convert later), but he knew that trying to be faithful to the Church’s teaching on artificial contraception was important to me, so he went along with it. As we worked on understanding this teaching despite the mainstream culture’s pull away from it, we discovered John Paul II’s, Theology of the Body, and his beautiful words that so eloquently explain the importance of recognizing the dignity in each human being – that we are not objects for each other’s gratification. Our bodies are holy and we are to use them in a loving and holy way.  We also discovered an inexplicable freedom when we trusted in God with reckless abandon. And by reckless abandon, I don’t mean that we expected to have dozens of children. I mean that we learned the science and anatomy behind our fertility and we trusted that God had designed us just the way he wanted us and the system that he had naturally blessed us with worked! And it does. We have three children ages 15, 13 and 7. None were a surprise. We felt like we knew what we were doing and it was part of God’s plan for us. 

The Church’s teaching on Natural Family Planning has given my husband and me an opportunity to grow in holiness. It has increased our ability to communicate. While it was a little tricky at first, we now comfortably share what is going on emotionally and physically regularly throughout the week. Even though I have always loved God with my whole heart, I have found that it is still possible to love Him more each day. In this same way is my love for my husband. In embracing and practicing Natural Family Planning, Randy has shown not only his love and respect for God, but also he shows his love and respect for me. This makes me love him all the more. I look at the man and see his holiness and devotion and it inspires me to strive for the same. Our goal as married couples is to help each other get to heaven. I know he is helping me a great deal. 

Natural Family Planning has also changed the way we view children. Every child is a gift, no matter how difficult the situation. God calls us all to surrender our desires to serve others. Children give us yet another opportunity to show God’s love to the world. True peace and happiness comes from the sacrificial love we can give each other.

Let's ask for the intercession of Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta as we contemplate God's call to practice Natural Family Planning in our own lives. Blessed Mother Teresa was a strong proponent of the Billings Ovulation Method. She was very successful in teaching this method to the poor and down trodden-women to which she ministered to in Calcutta.

Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta, pray for us!

Meet Imperfection with Perfection

Often, I don't sleep very well. I have a tendency to wake up at 3am in the morning. Once in a while I feel very desperate and I beg the Good Lord to be merciful and just let me sleep. Most mornings, however, I strike up a conversation with our Most Blessed Mother. It's a very one way conversation. I do all of the talking. I sometimes drift back to sleep by imagining that I am lying at her feet with my face on the cool, loose folds of her dress.

This morning was different. I didn't just wake up with the strong urge to pray. I had a particular idea bouncing around in my head that could have only come from the Holy Spirit. Round and round rang the phrase, "Meet imperfection with perfection." What a wonderful idea. How much imperfection is there in this world! We encounter it all day, everyday. Interactions with our children, spouse, parents, people on the street constantly challenge us to respond with perfect charity and patience. How many times have I met irritability with irritability? Or anger with anger? Or hurt with spite? This message means that I will have to work so much harder when I encounter these occasions. I will have to demonstrate as much humility and understanding as a person can humanly muster. This will be a very difficult task for me. I am impatient and hard-headed, but I'm always up for a challenge.

I thought of how many times Jesus calls us to meet imperfection with perfection. The Beatitudes (Mt 5:3-10) were the first to come to mind.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.

In Luke 6:27-36, Jesus reminds us to pray for our enemies and for those who curse us and mistreat us. He calls us to be generous in giving away everything we have for the benefit of others. He tells us to offer our other cheek when the first is struck. In Romans 12:9-21, we are told to be sincere, fervent in spirit, hopeful, hospitable, forgiving, empathetic, generous and loving. "Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good."

Easier said than done, right?! Right. But we have to try. Mt 5:48 says, "So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect." It all makes sense, it's just very difficult. We're told that humans can never be perfect. Some use this as an excuse to fall heavily into sin instead of trying to stay on the path of righteousness, but in an earnest attempt at perfection, we inch all the closer to the most precious and attainable place of true happiness, HEAVEN. Let's be very clear. An attempt at perfection doesn't mean that we're the best at what we do. It doesn't mean that we're the smartest, prettiest, richest, most proficient, etc. It means that we truly intend to carry out God's will in our lives regardless of what we encounter along the way.

So! Get out there and meet imperfection with perfection. Do your best and be sure to let me know when I'm off track in my attempts at the above mentioned phrase. I'm sure it won't take much for me to become side-tracked and we certainly need to help each other along the way.

O Sacred Heart of Jesus, make my heart more like Thine. Grant me the compassion and understanding necessary to respond to everyone I meet as You desire. Soften my hardened heart so I can attain eternal happiness with You in Your heavenly kingdom. Please let me be a reflection of You, especially to my husband and children, so they may be happy in heaven with You as well.

                   

You Cannot Serve Two Masters

No, I did not compose the text below. I'm not sure my pea-brain is capable of such greatness. St. Catherine of Siena (+1380), Doctor of the Church, was a Dominican, stigmatist and papal counselor and is responsible for this gem. It's amazing. What was that about women being held down by our Church Fathers??

OK, more from the saints and less from the wannabe.

"I long to see your heart and affection stripped of the world and of yourself. There is no other way we can be clothed in Christ crucified, since the world has nothing in common with God. The world's disordered affection loves pride, and God loves humility. The world looks for honor, status, and greatness, and God spurned these things, embracing disgrace, scorn and insult, hunger, thirst, cold and heat, even to a shameful death on the cross. By this death of His He gave honor to the Father, and we were restored to grace. The world looks to please creatures, unconcerned about displeasing the Creator; Christ never looked to anything but to fulfill his eternal Father's command for the sake of our salvation. He embraced voluntary poverty and clothed Himself in it, while the world seeks great wealth. They are really different from one another. So if our heart is clothed in the world, it is necessarily stripped of God, and if it is stripped of the world, it is necessarily filled with God. This is what our Savior said: "No one can serve two masters. If you serve the one, you hold the other in contempt." We must, then, very conscientiously free our heart and affection from this tyrant, the world, and set it on God, completely free and sincere, letting nothing come between ourselves and Him. We must not be two-faced or love falsely, since He is our dear God, and He keeps His eyes on us, seeing our hidden and inmost heart."


Here is one more that I found comforting and slightly amusing.

1 Pt 5:10-11
May the God of all grace who called us to his eternal glory through Christ Jesus restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish us after we have suffered a little. Amen.
                                                                            . . . just a little? Good one.

Make religious life a habit!

I crack myself up. No, I don’t wear a habit. I’m not a nun. I don’t even wear a mantilla to Mass. A mantilla is one of those lace doily head coverings that went the way of the wind in the spirit of Vatican II. It says in 1 Corinthians 11:15, that a woman’s long hair is her glory. I find it more a matter of humility. If you’ve seen the raggedy mop I usually wear, you’d probably agree. This isn’t about my bad hair days, though. It’s about trying to live a life of holiness.

I feel compelled to share another story from my youth. I grew up in a parish run by Redemptorist priests and Sisters of the Holy Name of Jesus and Mary. The sisters taught me many wonderful things, like how to play the piano and violin and how to diagram a sentence of any length and complexity. I am a professional musician much to their credit, and I can still diagram like a maniac. Although I do cringe at some of the things I put them through. Like the time I dropped all of my quarters on the floor and we were busted playing blackjack in the back of the classroom during an inside recess. Or the time I shot this poor woman in the face with a squirt gun while she waited at the traffic light with her car window down. Of course I went sprinting into the school and she must have called and reported me as soon as she reached her destination. Yikes! What was I thinking?! That was not a pleasant announcement from the principal over the school intercom. Thankfully, no one ratted me out.  I really do feel badly about those things. No matter what kind of mischief we were causing, the sisters always lived their vocation with joy and patience. I was so intrigued by their lifestyle. They were totally devoted to God and made so many sacrifices to teach us kids. I wanted to live like them. I wanted to be a nun. They were wonderful models of Christian charity. I remember them telling me that I would certainly know if God was calling me to religious life. It would be as clear as a bell. I waited and waited. I put so much stress on wanting the call to the religious life of a sister, that I missed the part about marriage being a vocation as well. I figured marriage was what you did if you didn’t get the real call. I didn’t get the real call. Well, I didn’t get the call I wanted to hear at the time. In my own misguided mind I interpreted that as I wasn’t good enough. Oh, I couldn’t have been more wrong and I couldn’t have been more heartbroken. Then I misbehaved even more  because I figured it didn’t matter! Thank heavens for mercy and redemption!

The most amazing thing is that the sisters were right about being able to recognize God’s call when it finally came. I thought it was only for priests and nuns, but it also really was for married life as well. I heard Him so loud and clear the day I saw my husband for the first time. His voice was so clear in fact, that I had to stop what I was doing and look around for who I thought was talking to me. I will never forget that moment. I will also never forget what it was that I was to be listening for and hearing for the rest of my life. Let me be very clear: WE ARE ALL CALLED TO LIVE A RELIGIOUS LIFE! In living a life of service to our spouse and children, we demonstrate our faith. Being kind and patient when we want to scream is part of living a religious life. Putting aside our needs with joy in our hearts because we know we are providing someone else with happiness is part of living a religious life. The bottom line is that we are all called to live in imitation of Jesus Christ through His Gospel message, service and sacrifice for the benefit of others.  Being virtuous – generous, charitable, humble, forgiving, prayerful, sacrificial.

The Catechism (2204) refers to the Christian family as “. . . a specific revelation and realization of ecclesial communion, and for this reason it can and should be called a domestic church. It is a community of faith, hope, and charity; it assumes singular importance in the Church, as is evident in the New Testament.”

Living a religious life means receiving the Sacraments frequently, like going to daily Mass as often as possible and cleansing our souls through Confession at least once a month if not more. Make your morning offering. Always say grace. Pray the Angelus. Learn how to pray the Liturgy of the Hours or even easier, subscribe to the Magnificat. Pray the Rosary. Spend an hour praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Give up using all artificial contraception. Open your heart to your spouse the way Christ’s heart was opened on the cross. Turn off the television and the radio. Make sure you are listening. Make sure you can hear Him. He has important work for you to do, even in the everyday activities you do in your home. You can do your household chores with joy knowing that the ones you love will find comfort in a clean and warm environment. I say all of this from the perspective of a wife and mother. I know there are many other ways to live a life of service by caring for the needs of others outside of our homes. Right now our focus is on teaching our children to live a life of service so that when they’re grown, they will go out into the world and help others by using their God given talents and gifts.

Don’t think for one second that because you don’t wear a habit or a collar that the expectation for holiness is any less for you. It isn’t. Many of the saints were married with families. Like St. Therese, they did ordinary things with extraordinary love.  That’s what will make you a saint, too. Is it difficult? You bet! We are saturated with a message that is contrary to what I have just written, but I believe that heaven awaits and is attainable! I have hope and I will keep doing my best to love and serve the Lord. At this point, I should probably mention again, the benefits of frequent Confession. I want to make sure you are aware that I’m aware of my own serious shortcomings in my continued attempt at holiness. Saying it is easy. Living it is really hard. We have to help each other with encouragement and prayer.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton is a good model for Roman Catholics living in America. As a young girl, she helped raise the  younger children in her family. She married her husband and they had five children of their own. She was a devout Episcopalian but converted to the Catholic faith.  In addition to raising her family, she spent countless hours and all of her money educating and serving the needs of the poor. After her husband died, she even started her own religious community, the Sisters of Charity of St. Joseph.  The sisters are still active today, teaching children and helping the poor.

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, model of charity and faithfulness, pray for us!

That is the ugliest, most beautiful bird I've ever seen!

I’m referring to none other than the pelican.

Up until a few weeks ago, I had never given the pelican much thought. I knew it was a large, white, sea bird with a huge, cavernous beak; short, strong legs and a very wide wingspan. They are capable of expanding their throats to hoard the fish they catch. It really is an odd looking bird. On top of it, I’ve never been a big fan of birds. I had Finches when I was a kid, but they made the biggest birdseed mess you’ve ever seen on the shag carpet that I had in my room. Vacuuming was a nightmare and a couple pair were accidentally asphyxiated during my aerosol hairspray sessions. It was the late ‘80’s. Please don’t call PETA. I thought the pet store was selling me sickly birds.  We currently have a few interesting looking birds in our backyard every now and then, but for the most part, I avoid birds. The spastic, flapping feathers and the potential for viral disease and lice getting into my lungs and hair makes me very nervous. However, I discovered something very special about the pelican that has dramatically changed my opinion of the awkward looking beast and has deepened my sacrificial devotion to my family and Church.

When our parish installed its new marble altar, there were four tiles placed on the front representing different aspects of our faith. The tile on the bottom right was of a pelican and her babies. I know an explanation of the pelican was given, but I wasn’t paying attention.  It wasn’t until a discovered an alternate translation to the hymn Adoro te devote by St. Thomas Aquinas that I began making the connections. The sixth verse of the seven verse hymn is all about the pelican. The translation usually heard in the hymn Humbly We Adore Thee, is not even close to what St. Thomas originally wrote. Surprise! The Church has been saturated with bad translations – a rant for another day. Until I had seen that verse, it had never occurred to me that such a ghastly looking bird could be portrayed in such gentle and sacrificial way.

                                O soft, self-wounding pelican!

                                Whose breast weeps balm for wounded man,

                                That blood, whose least drops sov’reign be

                                To wash my words of sin from me.

Early Christianity adopted the image of the pelican because of the belief that the pelican would gouge into its own breast to feed its offspring, blood and flesh, to keep them from starving in times of famine. This can easily be made into a metaphor for Jesus Christ’s sacrificial life, not only in the way He gave His life for us on the cross, but  Jesus actually says, “. . . unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you do not have life within you.” (John 6:53) It’s not far-fetched to see the parallel between Christ and the pelican. It’s also important to recognize that we are called to live in imitation of Him and the bird.

One night after rehearsal, I stopped at the front of the church to pray before I turned off the lights to go home. I was having a personal struggle with the fact that a job I really wanted was no longer available. While I know in my heart it wasn’t in God’s plan for me, it still left a painful sting. My initial conversation with God began with my sad lamentation. I was on my knees in the front pew and that little tile of the pelican caught my eye. I was mesmerized. Here was this bird, self-wounded, with the drops of blood suspended over the open mouths of its babies. Here was a mother giving her life to sustain the lives of her children. I realized I needed to be more like the pelican and of course, more like Christ.  Our decision to home school and putting aside my personal ambitions made choosing the pelican as a model for imitation, a logical choice. I think all mothers will find comfort and encouragement in the image of the pelican, once they take a good look at it. Reflecting on it can inspire us to give until it hurts, literally, even in a physical way, and can help us become more generous and loving in a world that encourages selfishness and loathing.

My course this semester is private composition lessons. When asked what my goals were, I informed my professor that I wanted to compose sacred choral music and in the tradition of the Church, I wanted the music to serve the text. He thought that was a lovely idea and sent me on my way to find a text for my first project. I immediately knew what I would be working on. I returned the next week with the pelican verse from St. Thomas. He looked a little puzzled. Of all the text from which I had to choose, I chose a verse with the word pelican in it? He wasn’t sure that would be easy to sing for various aesthetic reasons. When I explained the legend of the pelican, he looked very intrigued and protested no more. On his advice, I set aside the English translations I had collected and I returned to the original verse in Latin, which is actually going to be very beautiful to sing. O Píe pellicáne, O loving pelican . . .

                                                               

        Píe pellicáne, Jésu Dómine,

                                Me immúndum múnda túo sánguine,

                                Cújus úna stílla sálvum fácere

                                Tótum múndum quit ab ómni scélere.

                                Loving pelican, Jesus Lord,

                                Me unclean cleanse-Thou in-Thy Blood,

                                Of-which (a) single drop to save

                                (the) whole world is-able from all (its) guilt.

That translation is literal and a bit awkward. You certainly get the idea but if it bothers you, please go back up to the one near the top. It is a little gentler.

I think it is also important to add that in the image below, my professor pointed out that the pelican looks more like a swan. Yes, that is the beauty of it.

                                                                 

Why are we so hard on the French?

(from my in-house cartoonist, Magnus. Frenchie is decked out complete with hairy legs and a poodle gagging on stinky cheese.)

For heaven’s sake, they turned out the likes of St. Joan of Arc! She is another personal favorite of mine. I was first introduced to her in high school while I was preparing for Confirmation. Unfortunately, I remember very little about that process except for what I was wearing, an off-white skirt and jacket with black pin-stripes from Montgomery Wards, and that I had a crush on one of the older teen volunteers. Very sad. Fortunately, in the process of choosing a patron saint, I discovered a world of people who lived a life of faith and virtue, with seemingly no concern for the torture and death that ensued them. My mother gave me a copy of the Lives of the Saints as part of my Confirmation gift. I can see it on the shelf from where I am sitting as I write. That book has served me and my family well.

I was a typical teenager in many ways. On all outward appearances, I was a polite and good student. I had an affinity for music and would spend many hours practicing the things I wanted to master and not so much time on the material I was supposed to learn. I, as an only child (not really, but that’s much too complicated to explain right now) was like most children, adversely affected by my parent’s divorce when I was 12. My very well-intentioned mother did her best to make sure that I stayed emotionally healthy, but I internalized most of the hurt and disappointment and made a tremendous effort to shut the whole thing out of my mind and make normalcy out of what was left. Everyone says that high school should be the best time of your life. For me, that wasn’t the case. My anger and resentment was slowly sucking me into despair. When I was younger, I would walk the two short blocks to Church and sit in the quiet, dark, peaceful, beautiful presence of our Lord. I had always found solace and comfort there. I frequently “escaped” to the Church. By the time I reached the age for Confirmation, I had unknowingly allowed Satan to distract me and drag me down with his cunning ways. This is where St. Joan of Arc comes in to save the day.

St. Joan of Arc represented many attractive qualities to me at the age of 15, or however old I was. I can’t even remember that. She was one bad ass chick. She disguised herself as a man, put on her heavy suit of armor, headed out onto the battlefield with the big boys, and was subsequently burned at the stake. While this is certainly a misguided notion of real feminism, I was, nonetheless, impressed with her tenacity and wanted to be just like her. This was a very superficial view of the situation, but God knew what I needed and how it would help me later, so with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and my own shallow perception, I chose St. Joan of Arc as my patron saint.

(A signed print from artist Matthew Alderman, that graces our dining room. This is my all time favorite depiction of St. Joan. She is flanked by St. Michael, St. Margaret and St. Katherine.)

As I matured in my faith, let go of my teenage angst, and began looking at the life of this saint more in depth, I realized how many aspects of her life deserved emulation. She heard the voice of God calling her to something very difficult. Like our Blessed Mother, she said yes to His request despite the heartache and consequence that followed. While on first appearances, her actions look as if they are commanding and assertive, she is actually a model of submission to God’s will. I also realized that courage was more than having the guts to go to war. Genuine courage means that you stand up for what is right, but you also have to have the necessary humility to admit your faults and failures. I ask St. Joan to pray for me every time I am standing in line for Confession. I ask God to give me the same graces he gave her so that I can face my sins and shortcomings while I am asking for His mercy and forgiveness. He never ceases in His generosity

St. Joan of Arc, model of courageous virtue, pray for us!

I Don't Have Enough To Do!

Idle hands are the devil's handiwork!

Well, if that's the case, that sorry b@$!@#d doesn't stand a chance with me. If only it were that simple. That loser is tossing temptations my way every few seconds. I shouldn't be so flippant about it. It's a very serious thing. It's called a battle for a reason. The fight is on. I get a lot of inspiration from the image of St. Michael stomping on Satan's head. I want to be just like him. I say his prayer everyday -- sometimes several times!

I've been getting up at 5am to get a jump on the day. I have a dozen subjects to correct each day for my two older students. How does a full time teacher with a classroom of 30 students do it? I am pretty sure that I am busier than I have ever been, but it's the most satisfying feeling I have felt in a long time. Teaching, cleaning, cooking, taxi, my professional job. It doesn't seem burdensome. It's lovely and natural, way more than it used to be.

One of my major weaknesses is impatience. I have a short fuse. I want things done right and I want them done now! My main concern when we decided to home school was whether or not my temperament would be conducive to the success of this project. Patience has been at the top of my prayer request list since we started. God, in His infinite goodness, has not disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I certainly struggle with the same temptation to fly off the handle. Unfortunately, Satan knows my weaknesses and feeds on them. But my awareness seems to have become so keen, that I am able to keep it toned down. I wonder if my kids would agree? My mother wouldn't, bless her heart. (I'm workin' on it, Ma!) My eldest, much like his father, has a knack for always giving the "right" answer to those types of questions. When I dig deeper and ask if he's trying to not hurt my feelings, his eyes will twinkle and he'll smile and keep quiet. He loves his mama. His silence in answering is a good indication I'm not doing as well as I think I am. Aha! Another snare of the devil -- pride. My list could go on and on.

How will I counteract this barrage of challenges to my concupiscence (my tendency toward sin) without despairing? I will look to Jesus Christ Himself, and come at those challenges with faith, hope, and love (1 Corinthians 13). Satan can't defeat you when those are your "weapons" of choice -- and arm yourself with a shield of faith (Ephesians 6:10-17). Always be on your guard. There's a spiritual combat going on around every corner. Don't worry, with the help of St. Michael, we'll get it done.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.

Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.

May God rebuke him, we humble pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into Hell Satan and all the evil spirits who wander about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen!